nang sumingit ang demonyo sa kwentuhan ng diyos at ni agnostic

so as i've learned with my moments with god, nasa loob ko din ang diyos. ano man ang naririnig kong sinasabi ng diyos when i pray are actually the things i wanna tell myself. ano kaya kung sumingit ang demonyo sa usapan...

diyos to agnostic (di2a): ano na naman ang naisipan mo at gusto mo pang pasalihin sa usapan si demonyo?
agnostic (a): (ngisi lang)
demonyo to diyos (dedi): at bakit? wala ba kong karapatang sumali sa usapan nyo?
di2a: binigyan mo ba talaga to ng permisong makisali sa tin?
a: (ngisi at naughty na nod)
dedi: nyenye-nyenye-nye
di2a: o sige, what's on your mind?
dedi: i know what's on her mind? (pa-rap) gusto nyang mang-asar pero di nya magawa
a: (ngiti na naman, may pailing-iling pa, pa-cute)
diyos to demonyo (dide): (calmly) sandali lang ha, pagsalitain mo muna sya
di2a: so ano nga ang nasa isip mo?
demonyo (de): (humming, tono ng gusto kong bumait pero di ko magawa)
a: wala lang, isip ko lang kung ano ang itsura ng usapang ganito.
di2a: tungkol saan?
dedi: o, kala ko ba diyos ka, bakit tatanong-tanong ka pa kung tungkol san. sus naman to!!! life syempre, yan naman lagi pinag-iisipan nyan pag kinausap ka eh.
dide: (naiinis) oo, alam ko, pina-process ko lang utak nya.
dedi: (nang-aasar) uy, uy, pikon na sya, hahahhaha
dide: hindi ah.
a: ah, excuse me lang sa inyong dalawa, blog ko to.
di: ah, yes, of course.
de: amen to that!
dide: amen?
dedi: o bakit? may copyright ka ba sa salitang "amen"?
a: magulo pala utak pag pinagsama mo demonyo at diyos ano?
di2a: pwedeng maging magulo pag di mo alam kung ano ang gusto mo. alam mo namang malakas ang tukso ng kasamaan. at pagdi mo alam ang gusto mo, guguluhin ka lang ng guguluhin ng kasamaan.
dedi: ako ba pinapatamaan mo?
dide: tinatamaan ka ba?
dedi: oo, pero di ako hurt. kasi di naman totoo. hmph!!
agnostic to demonyo (a2de): alin ang hindi totoo?
demonyo to agnostic (de2a): na guguluihin kita. aba, hindi ako nanggugulo ha.....well, at least, hindi lagi. pag minsan nakakacontribute naman ako sa pag-aayos ng mga bagay-bagay.
a: hmmm, tell me about it.
de: simple, lahat ng bagay may kabaliktaran di ba. sabi mo nga sa isa mong blog, life's full of contradiction. yung contradictions na yun ang nagpo-provide ng balance. it makes you appreciate life more. (diyos listening intently). isipin mo na lang ang diyos, pano ba sya nakilalang diyos? kasi may demonyo. how would you know if what you are doing is right? syempre dapat alam mo din kung alin ang mali. otherwise, wala lang lahat ng ginagawa mo. pano mo malalaman na ang feelings mo eh masaya kung di mo alam ang feeling ng malungkot? ganun lang, sus naman, mahirap ba yun?
dide: hay, kakambal yata talaga kita no? kahit kontra ka lagi.
dedi: you should be flattered. humans adore you because they despise me. kung wala ako, itsura mo lang! yun nga lang, second fiddle lang ako lagi. kesyo ang tao ay basically good, syempre sayo credit don. tapos pag may kasalanang nagawa , saka ako maaalala. masisisi pa. when it's merely human folly.
dide: well, it's you who said for a human to know what is right dapat alam din nya what is wrong.....
a: di ba kayo pwedeng magbati na lang?
de and di: (sabay) HINDEH!!!
di: pag pinagbati mo kami, end of our existence yon ano! di ka ba nakikinig sa paliwanag ni demonyo? tama sya.
dide: minsan talaga may saysay ka ding kausap.
de: talaga!
a2de: eh sabi mo minsan lang yung di ka nakakagulo. so kelan ka nakakagulo.
de: ah, that's the moment of my glory. when you weigh things carefully, madalas ang mapipili mong gawin yung maganda at tama. pero, pag nagmadali ka lagi sa pagdedesisyon or kung masyadong selfish ang reasons mo, ang laki ng chance na magkamali. ang laki ng chance na marami kang masasaktan, ang laki ng chance na maraming maghihirap. eh di magulo. eh di happy ako pag ganon.
a2de: sabi ni diyos minsan one has to be selfish in order to survive.
di2a: sabi ko ba yon? di ba realization mo yun?
de: i agree. one can't be completely unselfish and and still arrive at a decision that's best for everyone. depende naman sa situation. minsan para maging tama ang decision mo you have to consider other people's interests first. minsan naman, you have to be selfish and forget about others because you need it for yourself. iba din naman yung alam mo nang mali yung ginagawa mo at may nasasaktan but you still go on believing that it's what's going to make you happy. tapos dedma ka lang. lalo na kung sinabi na sayo ng ibang tao that you are doing the wrong thing but you still insist, unremorseful even. well, at least pabor yun sakin.
di: there are times when you have to be selfish because it's what's going to be beneficial for everyone, maybe not soon but later. may caveats syempre, pwedeng may mag-suffer as an immediate consequence of your decisions and actions.
a2di: how will i know if what i'm doing is good or bad? right or wrong?
di: your conscience will tell you. what were your intentions? the people around you will tell you. balikan mo mga pinag-aralan mo sa human rights, the universal values.
de: you will never know that what you are doing is wrong and bad unless tanggapin mo sa sarili mo na nagkakamali ka din. pride my dear is a deadly sin remember? kahit nagkakandaloko-loko na ang buhay mo and still don't admit na may weaknesses ka din, that you are not perfect, hindi mo pa rin malalaman na nagkamali ka. you'll always find people to blame for your miseries. but your life will be hallow. mababaw din lang ang magiging kasiyahan mo. makakangiti ang labi mo pero hindi ang mga mata.that's how i thrive my darling agnostic. i don't thrive from people's mistakes. i thrive from people's refusal to correct their mistakes and to make amends with people they had animosity. bongga din kung may humihingi na ng tawad at may ayaw magpatawad. pride is my best friend.
a2de: pito ang deadly sins di ba?
de2a: iisa-isahin pa ba natin? pride, gluttony, envy, sloth, lust, greed, wrath. aren't they all related? all are sins, all can be deadly figuratively and literally. but as i have said, gawin mo lahat yang kasalanan na yan then sincerely atone in the end. try to realize na mali ka and everything will be wiped away. i mean, aminin mo na kasalanan yang mga yan and things can get better for you. otherwise, let's party in hell.
dedi: o, tahimik ka?
dide: parang nakalamang ka kasi sa mga paliwanag mo eh. so ang pinapalabas mo eh kung hindi dahil sayo eh walang maniniwala sa kin. ang sama mo talaga, nang-agaw ka ng credit. eh di ba sa bibliya ako ang gumawa ng lahat? haller... fyi, lumabas ka na lang sa eksena nung nabuo ko na si adan at eba.
dedi: onga pala no. pero teka...di ba nung kinain ni eba at adan yung forbidden fruit eh nagkaron sila ng wisdom at nalaman nila that i exist pala.
dide: pakialamero ka kasi eh.
dedi: bakit binawal mo ipakain yung prutas? dahil ayaw mong malaman nila na nag-eexist ako.... sabi mo nga kambal mo ko, so sabay tayong sumulpot sa mundo, eh bakit ayaw mo kong makilala nila? di ba masama din yun? hmp, at least ako nang-agaw lang ng credit, ikaw nangsosolo.

fast forward: i wrote this over 2 years ago. i had to stop at that point of the conversation. one, the conversation between god and devil became too personal and they were already questioning each other's existence. (i'm the one supposedly questioning their existence) two, they forgot about me. three, the devil was beginning to look good, and that wasn't my idea. four, i declared a month later that i am an atheist.

puke or poke

him: do you plan to get drunk this evening or what?
her: no plans. just hang out with an old friend
him: i'd like to get drunk if i could
her: i don't like being drunk... because i puke every time
him: i get horny when i'm drunk.
her: men always do.
him: some women i know too
her: so do you like being drunk because you get horny? or do you like being horny that's why you get drunk?
him: neither. horniness happens while getting drunk, it's not the reason to get drunk. it's a side effect. don't you get horny when drunk?
her: nope. it's hard to be puking and fucking at the same time.
him: so, looking forward to that drink?
her: not the drink, just the company.
him: well you know the number to call if you get drunk and horny
her: there's a hotline for horny people?
him: of course. you get drunk and you call the horny hotline. prevents you from puking.
her: oh. so what's the number?
him: (grin)

quickie post

i still can't contain my exhiliration i just have to make this post to immortalize the different kind of high i'm feeling right now. after a two-day evaluation and marathon planning, half the staff rushed to UP to watch their centennial celebration. i was there specifically for the skydiving exhibition. this is why i am so happy... if i can't skydive at least i got to watch it up close and even got to meet two paratroopers, andrei and john. well, i met them... they didn't meet me. doesn't matter.


john and andrei are from the Philippine National Police Special Action Force; jumped from an altitude of 4000 feet, 10 second freefall then the parachute opened up, landed in less than 10 minutes.

the curse of the taco

I wanted tacos, mixed green salad, asparagus soup, and self-styled spaghetti sauce for Christmas. I went to Shopwise, December 23 for last-minute shopping. I deliberately picked out every item I put inside my cart, carefully recalling the mental notes I made to ensure I had everything I needed and nothing I bought would go to waste. Except for the fresh basil leaves which were unavailable that day, I was able to complete my short shopping list in no time.

Back home, unpacking the groceries I realized I got nacho chips instead of taco shells. There was no way I could go back to the supermarket to get them so I just re-imagined the Noche Buena and thought of what use could the nachos chips be. An hour before midnight when almost everything was ready, including a taco filling that would still go well with the nachos and that the kids in the house were looking forward to, the box of nachos was nowhere to be found. We looked everywhere, even under the Christmas tree where presents were stacked one on top of the other but it had vanished without a trace. To remedy the situation I rushed to the nearest convenience store and got cheese flavoured tortillas to replace the nachos. Everything I prepared for Christmas was a hit both to the family and to the guests, especially the spaghetti sauce. The tale of the taco shell and the missing nacho chips made each dish more delectable, them knowing what they missed.

Thirtieth of December, I went back to Shopwise to get the things I would need for Media Noche this time. Still pining for, I bought two boxes of Taco shells (carefully read the label… yeah, it really was taco), just in case I lost one box on the way to my hometown. And also this time, I got the fresh basil leaves. And oh, I bought my dad a jar of Korean kimchi. My mom loves my buttered tuna that is best with asparagus so I bought her quarter of a kilo of asparagus spears. Bro likes cherry tomatoes which are pretty expensive at this time of the year but I bought them anyway. I purchased two bags of arugula and mixed greens that’s best with Italian dressing (ahh, on second thought, arugula and balsamic vinegar are the perfect match).

My very handsome and gorgeous, beautiful, exotic, wild, uncontrolled, untamed, conceited, crazy, blood-thirsty, maniacal teen-aged son (which is not true, except for the handsome and gorgeous, beautiful part) was with me so we took the opportunity to get him his vanity essentials. Because this is a season of plenty I bought myself 6 bottles of Fit ‘n Right to help in my digestion as I expected to pig out on New Year’s day. And because Shopwise is a one-stop shop I found a reading lamp meant for my sister who every time she opened a big box of Christmas present blurted “sana reading lamp, sana reading lamp” but there was none among the almost a hundred gifts she received. Dinner tonight would be traditionally Filipino, tinapa (smoked fish), salted egg and tomatoes. Everything fit in the ‘I am not plastic’ bag that doubles reward points for Shopwise card holders.

On the way out of the supermarket we passed by the food stalls, one of which was selling kwek-kwek (deep-fried hardboiled quail egg coated with orange-coloured cornstarch) and day-old chick. I love anything exotic so I bought some to take home. On the cab back home, I detected in the pale face of the middle-aged driver that he was famished so I offered the quail egg. He got 3 pieces of kwek-kwek. He got curious with the day-old chick and tried one. It was his first time to have a taste of it and liked it. By the way he gobbled up everything I was certain he was way past his mealtime. True enough, he said he was about to have supper when we flagged his taxi. He offered me and my kid a candy but told him to keep it for himself, I said we were fine because as soon as we got to the house we could cook, while he had to keep on driving for at least another 5 hours.

We reached home, my kid struggled to get his newly acquired bike out of the cab while I settled our fare. I got off the taxi and wished the driver happy new year. He thanked me for the food I gave him. As soon as the taxi left two boys in their teens approached me to sell potholders and doormats made of cloth scraps. They came all the way from Cogeo, Rizal so I couldn’t bear not buying doormat and potholder at P25 and P20 respectively. I handed them extra P20 pesos each, after all it is the season of giving.

I forgot to say that my kid and I had coffee at Starbucks while waiting for his bike smartened up and before we went to the supermarket. We had a pleasant tête-à-tête.

So everything was well. At home, feeling good about bonding with my kid, sharing the kwek-kwek with the cabbie and buying something I didn’t need from the two teen-aged hawkers I decided it was time to prepare dinner. Dinner? Huh, where’s dinner? I left my grocery in the trunk of the taxi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The taxi had long been gone before I realized I actually forgot to get my grocery out of the trunk. It is so frustrating and so humiliating how I, who takes a cab everyday and never forgets to note down the taxi franchise name and operator’s telephone number and never forgets to check all my things before getting off, ridiculously forgot to note down the franchise name and operator’s telephone number and stupidly forgot to check I had all my things with me before letting the taxi leave.

Geeez. I no longer knew how it felt to be heartbroken until now. Everything I wanted for New Year’s day was there in the ‘I am not plastic’ bag. I had wished hard Mr. Cabbie would immediately discover there was something in his cab that belonged to me.

My sister when told about it said she’d treat me to a nice dinner to recompense my ill feelings. But like any broken-hearted person I was so devastated, couldn’t eat, couldn’t concentrate, my mind wandered off. My son, nephew and niece were pitting wits with one another around the dinner table but they barely infected me with their giggles and laughter . I was forlorn. In the restaurant, we positioned ourselves where we could see the street while dining, I craned my neck every time a taxi passed by. I knew I would recognize which cab it was if I ever saw it again. But he never came back.

As I typed this, Kai snuggled up to me and snatched the laptop from me, thus the red italics. As usual, he summarized all my feelings tonight. “That’s 2000 pesos down the drain, Mommy.”

There goes the curse of the taco.