Saturday, July 24, 2004


when you're unhappy and you know it, what do you do?

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

photographs and shoes

what do photographs and shoes have in common? 
answer:  both are reminders of times gone by. 

Monday, July 12, 2004

he found my diary....

romel found my diary.

while i was lost in my dreams there he was reading my diary. that diary witnessed all the agonies i felt from my previous marriage. i didn't mean to hide it from him, neither did i mean for him to see it. it was there lying in one corner of the room, not even waiting to be opened and reread. it was there just to guard the painful memories. romel said i should throw it away already because till now everytime i open it i am driven to tears.

it's not that i'm still hurting. it is that what i went through bereaved me of my self-esteem. everytime i accidentally open the diary and recall my sufferings i feel triumphant that i had gotten over it. that i had surpassed the obstacles. all i wanted was to live a happy life which i could not obtain from that union. getting away from it was the hardest thing to do because of my son only to realize later that it was the sole recourse i had. somehow i rue that it took me a long while before i mustered the courage to let go and to cease being hopeful that things could still turn out well; that it took me a while to realize the union was doomed from the start.

four years later i am living a new life, hopeful again that i would be happy, happy forever. i am happy, and i trust that this would last forever. and if i should open my diary again, i hope to make new entries, memories that i would love to reminisce and relive over and over.

Friday, July 09, 2004

letter to a still unborn child (and his mom)

yhen is starting to create a scrap book for her son, iamar. this letter was due may 20. we threw in a baby shower for her and she asked each of us to write letters for iamar.

dear iamar,

i just told your mom her excitement in giving birth to you is contagious. everybody here in the office awaits the day she gives birth..well, partly because we made a wager on which date your delivery would fall (my bet is august 2, so please, please iamar, make it on earth on august 2). but also because everyday she looks forward to finally holding you in her arms.

nine months of waiting is no joke for someone like your mom. she's already full of life as a single person, she's even become more eager after she learned she's pregnant with you, unplanned it might be. there is not a single moment i can recall that she ever expressed disappointment or regret that she has you. all i see in her is how well a mom she is going to be. your mom is a delicate person but she's got a strong mind which will help her make it through with you, dad or no dad.

what else is there to say to a still unborn child? i dont want to scare you with grotesque realities of life; i dont want to tell you that the world you are soon to live in is characterized by hatred and greed, of inequalities and discrimination, of stark contrast between the rich and poor, of imminent destruction.

i want to tell you about how beautiful life is. i want to tell you that each new life like yours brings hope. each new life like yours can change things, can make people better, can improve relatiosnhips. each new life like yours brings forth love. that's what makes life beautiful.

your birth is a momentous event not only to your mom, aunts, grandparents, uncles, is so to us, your mom's friends, because we witness the efforts your mom exerts to prepare a good life for you. i am a mom myself so i know that as a mother yhen is going to be the happiest person to see you. she goes through many ordeals but i know that having you she'll become a much stronger person, mature and responsible. and as i said earlier, she'll make it through with you.

so, iamar, welcome. your mom said i'll be one of your godparents so this early i'm preparing for that responsibility. i'll be your best godparent, that is if you come on august 2. haha.


ninang len