Friday, June 25, 2004

is it time for vegetables yet?

in the last three days i have been with people practicing macrobiotics, the science and art of health and longevity. everytime i see these people, aurea and cora, they convince me to try macrobiotics because of the mass i have in my left breast which has been there for over two years already, having had one in my right breast extracted and biopsied some three years back. fibroadenoma, my surgeon told me is common in women. i dont remember how many in every 10 women, my surgeon said, have fibroadenoma, but the figure was quite big as i recall it. i was also told that it is not carcinogenic, lest i be anxious everytime a mass grows.

so now that i have another mass in my left breast (two actually, one is very small, therefore still insignificant i was told [again]) and another two in my right breast detected by an ultrasound a few months back, these advocates had more reason to talk me into trying macrobiotics. aurea, who works with indigenous people and teaches them about health and nutrition, said i was the first person to come to her mind when she heard about somebody who also had breast mass and was healed after trying macrobiotics. she didn't let me go unpersuaded about altering my diet and my lifestyle. i guess she succeeded in a way.

i was convinced i should try to change my diet for the simple reason that i don't want to undergo another surgery that would leave another scar on my breast, lest i look like raggedy anne doll with stitches all over my body as i get older. she suggested a vegetarian diet, vegan even, if i really wanted the mass to disappear without the aid of western technology and without ugly scars that would definitely lower my self-esteem (hey, i'm 36, i have a right to be vain).

so goes the prescribed diet, roots, fruits, leaves, sprouts and beans or seeds. (i can live with that) strictly no meat (no problemo) no artificial or processed foods, even vegemeats are no-no's (nothing much to lose in that), no fish and other seafoods. uh-oh, there goes my problem. i love everything that comes from the sea, i even wanted to live under the sea.

while i can make do without chicken, pork, beef, veal and other kinds of meat. i have yet to detach myself from seafoods. i am a voracious seafood-eater. fish is actually okay in macrobiotics, but in my case, anything coming from the sea, have to be taken out of the diet because i would do macrobiotics as a form of medication. as hippocrates said, "let food be thy medicine, and medicine thy food." oh, i remember, plants from the sea are okay ( thank goodness!)

still today, i started my meatless diet. i had bitter gourd, and tofu in lieu of meat. i actually enjoyed my lunch, but as i was about to finish came my colleague with fried fish. and i started salivating. hah!!! now i have to battle with my resolve. ', yummy fish, yummy fish, yummy fish" versus "no scar, no scar, no scar". i looked like a starving predator ready to pounce on my prey. i had to keep silent for a while and took a deep breath, remembering that i am just beginning. that i should give this macrobiotics a shot. not much for longevity, because i dont intend to live long and grow old, but rather for a worry-free life, hakuna matata. my life is too beautiful (and promises to get better) to concern myself with breast masses. though i can easily go on a surgery, there is certainly, no assurance that another mass would not develop. and if that happens, i'll have to see my surgeon again.

eventually, my will to go veggie triumphed over my voracity for seafood. for now, at least. i left the dining table without even tasting the fish hoping that i'd be able to sustain my resolve (already, another colleague is challenging me, she gives me one month tops and i'll get back to my old diet). to console myself from self-deprivation i tell myself it still makes a difference if i know i am healthy should i grow old and live longer than i intend to, at least i wouldn't have to be weak and sickly and be a burden to my partner and my son.

and oh, my partner is going back to being vegetarian. so with my him, i hope my macrobiotics would take me a long way. (my husbands vegetarian for a political reason i think, rather than health, but that will do)


Saturday, June 19, 2004


i'm stuck here in the office, on a saturday, with loads of work. i am trying to convince myself that it is not because i have backlogs but because there are just too many things to do with too little time. is this supposed to be a job for just one person? uh-oh, i need team mates here. oh well...just gotta do what i gotta do.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

and who loves romel

people love romel. but i love him the most.