when vanity sets in
some three weeks back i felt so depressed. my immediate explanation was that i was having hormonal imbalances again because of my monthly period. and also that every year i would feel down around mid-may which heightens from june till july, then everything starts to fall into proper places around august and finally by september everything is back to normal. i've observed some years back that it's an annual cycle. it's the SAD that clickandcrash was talking about.
funny that after a day or two i think, i realized what made me sob one night and the morning after that. my colleagues asked if i was depressed. i said no but they said i looked ugly, "ang pangit mo ngayon." waaaahhhhh. it was my bad hair day!!!! i myself was feeling ugly that time and irritated that my hair was a mess. alarmed, because i hated being ugly, i looked at myself in the mirror and saw what was wrong. i was thin, my hair was getting dry, i had eyebags.....hmmm, time for make-over mission. but because i'm little broke at this time of the year i had to make do with was available, eskinol with avocado extract, a nivea cream that applied around the eyes, ice to close pores after deep cleansing, exercises, fruit diet, neutrogena mositurizer, get enough sleep, smile a lot. the facial treatment and the thai massage, warts removal and the hair treatment will have to wait until i've settled all my bills.
true enough i was beginning to feel good again. a fellow NGO worker i was chatting with during a discussion of the Laban ng Masa's version of TRG said i was "blooming" and i then could look at myself again in the mirror and say "you are beautiful".
i'm vain and i'm proud of it. i don't care about the cliche that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", or the other cliche that "beauty is only skin-deep" and that the real beauty is within, to appease people who were not blessed with good looks. nah, that's just a pambobola from the pretty women in the showbiz industry who can easily tell others that the physical appearance is not that important, that what matters is how you see yourself. of course the look is important!! the physical appearance matters because that's what the first thing people see and people make impressions out of how one looks. but more than what people would say what matters is how i feel about myself. blame the society that puts premium on good looks that now i myself, uses the society's standard of what is beautiful. and i only feel comfortable when i know that i look pretty, that's when i start to feel good.
it's my morning ritual to look in the mirror and see if a beautiful person would appear in the reflection then i smile and say 'hello pretty lady". so that's what happened one day after sobbing and i looked and found a woman i hardly recognized, and that frightened me. whoa!!! that's when my vanity set in. my beauty regimen's been taking effect. i just have to put on more weight then i'll feel much, much better.
the good thing about being told "ang pangit mo ngayon" is that you know it's difficult to tell a not so goodlooking person "ang pangit mo ngayon!" even if they are your friends. people would rather be subtle or do it the round-about-way like you're hair is like this or that or will not just say anything at all. or worse, they talk behind your back.
funny that after a day or two i think, i realized what made me sob one night and the morning after that. my colleagues asked if i was depressed. i said no but they said i looked ugly, "ang pangit mo ngayon." waaaahhhhh. it was my bad hair day!!!! i myself was feeling ugly that time and irritated that my hair was a mess. alarmed, because i hated being ugly, i looked at myself in the mirror and saw what was wrong. i was thin, my hair was getting dry, i had eyebags.....hmmm, time for make-over mission. but because i'm little broke at this time of the year i had to make do with was available, eskinol with avocado extract, a nivea cream that applied around the eyes, ice to close pores after deep cleansing, exercises, fruit diet, neutrogena mositurizer, get enough sleep, smile a lot. the facial treatment and the thai massage, warts removal and the hair treatment will have to wait until i've settled all my bills.
true enough i was beginning to feel good again. a fellow NGO worker i was chatting with during a discussion of the Laban ng Masa's version of TRG said i was "blooming" and i then could look at myself again in the mirror and say "you are beautiful".
i'm vain and i'm proud of it. i don't care about the cliche that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", or the other cliche that "beauty is only skin-deep" and that the real beauty is within, to appease people who were not blessed with good looks. nah, that's just a pambobola from the pretty women in the showbiz industry who can easily tell others that the physical appearance is not that important, that what matters is how you see yourself. of course the look is important!! the physical appearance matters because that's what the first thing people see and people make impressions out of how one looks. but more than what people would say what matters is how i feel about myself. blame the society that puts premium on good looks that now i myself, uses the society's standard of what is beautiful. and i only feel comfortable when i know that i look pretty, that's when i start to feel good.
it's my morning ritual to look in the mirror and see if a beautiful person would appear in the reflection then i smile and say 'hello pretty lady". so that's what happened one day after sobbing and i looked and found a woman i hardly recognized, and that frightened me. whoa!!! that's when my vanity set in. my beauty regimen's been taking effect. i just have to put on more weight then i'll feel much, much better.
the good thing about being told "ang pangit mo ngayon" is that you know it's difficult to tell a not so goodlooking person "ang pangit mo ngayon!" even if they are your friends. people would rather be subtle or do it the round-about-way like you're hair is like this or that or will not just say anything at all. or worse, they talk behind your back.
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