the agnostic me, sigh

the funny thing with being agnostic is that sometimes you want to panic and pray for divine intervention but you just can't because you don't know what to say, to whom to pray or where to pray. and when you can, you're not sure if there's anybody up there or down there listening to you. you dont know whether to close your eyes and clasp your hands close to your chest or look up in the sky or the ceiling. you dont know what to call the one you're praying to, god, lord, brother, father, sister, mother, bok, dre, almighty, etcetera, etcetera.

when you start to pray you just can't help shaking your head and think of yourself as a looney. you look around you and pray (yeah, pray) that nobody notices you because everybody knows you're agnostic. and it would be a such a shame. huh!

when you pray, you don't know if your entreaty would be heard and your wish granted. you'd think twice about going ahead or you'd just better get up and do your work and get things done yourself.

and when finally, you have decided that there's nothing to lose if you try and next thing you know you got exactly what you prayed for, then you dont know whether it was a really divine intervention or coincidence or just plain luck. hmmm...

so to pray or not to pray...hmmm, i'd rather not. well, if there's an omnipotent and omniscient being out there, she/he/it knows i'm a good girl...if that being can see me, and hear me, can read, understands english, knows how to use the computer, then that being would understand why i opt not to pray. that being would also know exactly what i'm asking for.

i'll know the result by monday. yeah it has to be monday, valentine's day!